a broken dream. where is the old me?

I was onced, an ordinary girl with a simple dream. To be happy, was the only thing I wanted. Being with my friends and playmates gives me chill and brings out the best in me. I didn’t need anything, car? house? money? a world tour? I was completely contented, never did i wish to have more or things that I can’t buy or can’t afford. I am not materialistic, not with gadgets, shoes, clothes, bags and make-ups like any other girls, who will do anything to have a chanel or Louis Vuitton bags or any high-fashioned items. I didn’t need a lovelife, then. I don’t mind guys. They’re just not part of my priorities but they sure are part of my inspirations. I was able to write a lot of poems because they were part of my life . ^_^

Babies and children makes me happy, my nieces, nephews and cousins bring smile to my face. Nice views and nature makes my jaw dropped with an awe and makes me excited. Jokes make me laugh all the time. Now, I am nowhere to be found. I am lost. It’s not because I became materialistic, because I am still not and I’m proud of that. ^_^

 It’s just that there are unnecessary things that I want, and I am not finding any happiness in some things any more. Babies and nature still makes me happy but, I don’t know. Somehow, I changed. I used to laugh even with the corniest joke one could hear, but not now. Whenever I hear jokes that i don’t find funny, i’ll tell mysef  ” what the f***?!? ” what’s funny? because most of my officemates get pleasure from bullying someone. They laugh by mocking other people and they get excited by talking about sex. I guess, my standards when it comes to jokes level-up as i mature. haha..

I also don’t find any excitement talking about sex, because most of my officemates, get excited talking about it specially because our office is dominated by boys. Is sex talk really a part of conversations when you grow up and get older? it’s not that i’m not comfortable with it or I’m being hypocrite, It’s ok to talk about it, I also talk about those things with my friends but not everyday, it’s not part of my everyday life but because of the people around me, it became a part of my ear. This is one of the reasons why I don’t like getting older. Children and teens’ interests are a lot different from those young adults and adults.

And now, my love life is making me stressed, problematic and it gives me negative energy and also touring became one of my hobbies, my past time and that’s the reason why I’m always broke. I cannot stop my feet from going just anywhere. One of my dreams now, is to at least tour the Philippines, then Asia will follow then the world. I have high hopes and dreams now. I am even hoping that if ever that dreams come true I want “that someone” with me while I’m on my tour and while fulfilling that dreams of mine.

Do you think it’s good? Not for me, I miss my old self, I guess this is what old age means or aging means. It means CHANGE, and that’s why a lot of people are afraid to grow up and get older, they are afraid of change. I am not afraid of change. I am just not interested with some of the things grown ups like.

I just missed the days, when all i wanted was a piece of cake and not a whole of it.

 A candy and not a box of it. A cup of ice cream and not a gallon of it.

And when all i wanted was to eat everything with everyone.

I missed laughing, getting excited just because of a simple and cute eraser.

I just missed having joy from simple things.

:)