a Life of a workahoLic Lazz

my friends and i went out Last saturday and one of my friend’s words stuck in my mind, she said..

“mahaL na mahaL ko yung sariLi ko aLam mu ba? antok na antok na ko gusto ko na matuLog.. ayokong pinapapabayaan yung sariLi ko, saka sanay ako ng puyatan pero hindi yung ganito ka puyat..Lam mu ba, sobrang mahaL ko taLaga sariLi ko..”

miLLions of thoughts entered my mind…

“buti nga ikaw mahaL mo sariLi mo, ako naLimutan ko ng mahaLin ang sariLi ko.. kasi ako kahit gustong gusto ko ng matuLog di pwede, kasi pag natuLog ako Lagot ako..aLam mu yung tipong ambigat bigat na ng uLo mu at parang babagsak na katawan mo pero keLangan mu pa rin gumising at magtrabaho, tapos gutom na gutom ka na at feeLing mo waLa ka ng Lamang Loob at di pwede kumain pero go pa rin para Lang kumita para Lang mabuhay ang pamiLya mo??.. kung pwede Lang mamatay kahit isang Linggo Lang para makapagpahinga ka Lang at para Lang maintindihan ng ibang tao kung bakit ka waLa at absent kasi namatay ka.. tapos mabubuhay ka na Lang uLit pag ok na!?! yun bang tipo ng..

di sya makakapasok ngayon eh, kasi patay sya.. or kamamatay Lang nya..baka next week pag nabuhay uLit sya..

maswerte ka na nga sa kaLagayan mu atLeast may pahinga ka sa araw araw at minsan Lang to kasi ngaun na Lang uLit natin naki si pau, after a year..”

you know guys, i work so hard..super hard but the probLem with me is that, i’m aLways Late..why? because my body wants to rest a Lot because of too much pressure and work and everything..so i thought an hour or 2hours of Late won’t hurt.. but i guess, it does! i can understand that it hurts if we have Lots of work..but if i know that we do have Lots of work i see to it that atLeast i’m sort of earLy but if i know that we don’t have that much of work, sometimes, i do it in purpose because i want to sLeep..i want to rest, and i can’t controL my body anymore…

yes, it’s reaLLy work, i am working.. and if i go to a different company there wouLd be more work, more pressure and there’s no going back.. but i aLways think.. in generaL..

the company you’re working for, may feed you TODAY, supports and gives you money AS OF NOW, but when you get sick because of too much work, wouLd they even bother?? wouLd they even care?  NO,

wouLd they stiLL give you money if you’re in hospitaL and  you need hundreds of thousand because of your hospitaL biLLs or medicines?? NO

wouLd they even care for your famiLy, wouLd they be the one taking care of you in the hospitaL?? NO

they’re just going to forget you and Look for someone to repLace you and do your work.. it’s a cycLe..

this is how Life is.. you wiLL work so hard for your company to have money, for your famiLy..for your needs, but at the end of the day..when everything is not ok anymore, when you can’t work anymore because of sickness or whatever and you can’t earn money..the onLy thing Left with you are your friends and your famiLy..

at Lahat ng pinaghirapan mu para sa pamiLya mu, mapupunta Lang paLa sau, para sa gamot mo..at sinu ang mas maghihirap?? ang pamiLya mu din..

so everything that you have worked so hard for wiLL just be a waste…

wasted effort, wasted time..just wasted..

because everything that you did for everyone, wouLd turned out to be for you………

if you’re going to ask me if i’m compLaining? NO, IM NOT!!!

i’m just saying the truth and how work is..

how work can feed you and kiLL you at the same time..

it’s about the worLd of workahoLic peopLe..

a bottle of beer and a stick of cigar aLmost Lead us to tagaytay..ALL ABOUT WOMEN

A serious taLk with my girL friend.

 it’s ALL ABOUT WOMEN..

 UNDERSTANDING GIRL’S PAIN

my friend and i decided to go out yesterday since it was saturday, i was absent because of my tootache but i went out with my friend despite of my infLamed gums and my tootache because i know she needs me and i need her. we were chatting yesterday and found out that both of us were brokenhearted girLs who shouLd enjoy Life and get some peace of mind so we decided to have fun.

 i haven’t eaten my Lunch and so we had Lunch somewhere in MOA, my tooth was aching but i don’t want to make it obvious so i ate a Lot even though i can’t..We taLked and opened up about our  pain, her man Left her hanging, without cLosure.. whiLe me? not reaLLy brokenhearted but i just decided to have fun and forget the past. i decided to think about myseLf this time so i temporariLy stopped my communication with someone.

Then we decided to watch a movie about women, and every woman can reLate to it’s story and the movie was fun, it’LL teach you how to get back to your Life after being cheated by a man, it’s about career, friendship, motherhood and a Lot more.

and because we were so affected by the movie, we  decided to drink. haha, and i smoked. weLL, i stopped smoking aLready, i’m onLy smoking when someone wants me to smoke with them, haha and if i’m drinking starbucks coffee because for me nicotine and caffeine are just perfect for each other. LoLx

so we went to a bar and we were just so Lucky because there was a fireworks dispLay in MOA yesterday and our Location was just perfect. The fireworks dispLay is right in front of us, feLt Like i can touch and hoLd it..so we were watching whiLe drinking, the fireworks are just great and it was reaLLy beautifuL, whiLe Looking at those coLorfuL fireworks i reaLized how wonderfuL Life is and thought on how i can make my Life more wonderfuL but it suddenLy fades reminding me that  Life is NOT ALWAYS that coLorfuL  but stiLL you have to SMILE for it.

Then my friend said, 

“aLam ko na LaLagay ko sa bLog ko (we’re both bLoggers, hehe) cocompare ko ang Love sa fireworks..ba-bLog ko taLaga to..sabihin ko, ang pagibig parang fireworks..sa umpisa exciting, masaya..sobra. maganda.. pero magLaLaho din..”

we were Like crazy, we were both quiet and then we started taLking to ourseLves, we both have different probLems and so we were exchanging opinions about each other.

sah: “di man Lang ba nya ko naisip?? kung sakaLing aask ako ni ___(guy1) kung gagawin nya ko gf, di ako papayag kasi iniisip ko xa(guy2) kasi iniisip ko ang kaLagayan nya. di man Lang ba nya naisip na iLang beses ko pinag isipan kung itetext ko xa o hndi, tapos nung tinext ko xa, sasabihin Lang nya matutuLog na xa??? anung kLase un? sabi nga sa movie diba, “what about me??” kahit pano we have to be seLfish din..kasi ikaw, ako.. Lagi natin iniisip, panu siLa? panu yung nararamdaman niLa?? pero siLa?? naiisip ba niLa kung anu nararamdaman natin? naiisip ba niLa kung anung epekto ang ginawa niLa sa buhay natin?? masaya naman ako dati eh, di ako naghahanap ng LaLaki, at di ko rin gusto magka bf, pero dumating xa at ginuLo ang buhay ko..naiisip ba nya nararamdaman ko ngaun? hindi siguro..waLa xang aLam.. WALA SILANG ALAM SA NARARAMDAMAN NATIN.. at bakit di nya sinagot ang tanong ko?? tinanong ko kung gagawin ba nya ang promises nya dahiL nkapag promise xa or dahiL gusto nyang gawin?? tapos di nya sasagutin tapos sabay matutuLog xa?? di ba nya naiisip yung ginagawa nya??, nung una ok kami tapos bigLa na Lang may ibang babae jan na makikita ko na kasa kasama nya??, hndi ba nya naisip, na pano na ko?? pano na si sah?”

me: “hhaayyss.. uu nga, ako? inisip din ba nya ko? inisip ba nya yung mga ginagawa nya? anu gusto nya hndi ako makapag move on? hndi na kami, hndi ko na xa boyfriend pero  bakit ganun, bakit parang sa ginagawa nya bakit parang kami pa rin?? pag maLungkot xa gusto nya Lagi ako andyan para sknya.. pero panu pag masaya na xa?? waLa na ko??anu ba ko sakanya?? taga saLo? di nya ba aLam kung gano kasakit yung mga ginagawa nya sakin?? i have so many questions but i can’t find an answer and i guess he doesn’t want to answer that..anu ba taLaga ko? why does he have to do things for me that he shouLdn’t be doing??? ang dami tuLoy nag aakaLa na kami pa, sabi nya sakin before ipakiLaLa ko daw xa sa mga opism8s ko at pag may gaLa daw ako or gimik with my officemates sama ko din xa, he said that 2 or 3months after we broke up, naisip ko.. bakit? for what.. pero hinyaan ko Lang kasi i want to maintain our friendship at kapag may gaLa xa with his officemates niyayaya nya din ako, at di naputoL ang communication namin simuLa nag break kami, so how can we both move on? how can i move on??, nung una ok pa pero habang tumatagaL naiisip ko, how can i totaLLy move on sa mga ginagawa nya?? sinabi pa nya na ginawa nyang waLLpaper ng fone nya ang picture namin, for what?? bakit? yeah Let’s say because we’re friends or  we became kinda “bestfriend” after we broke up pero hindi pa rin dapat eh..now i want to be seLfish and think about myseLf, panu naman ako? panu naman ang nararamdaman ko?? Lagi ko na Lang ba iisipin ang nararamdaman nya?? na maLungkot xa and everything kaya dapat Lang na hindi ko xa iwan?? pero panu naman ang nararamdaman ko?? PANO NAMAN PAG MALUNGKOT AKO?? PANO NAMAN PAG NASASAKTAN AKO??? kaya iniwasan ko muna xa, at sinabi ko naman sknya, ewan ko Lang kung gaLit xa sakin, sabi naman nya hndi.. pero sana nga hindi.. kasi i stiLL want to maintain our friendship, gusto ko sa ngaun Lang muna. backoff muna ko..

for the first time, i Learned to think about myseLf.. i’m aLways thinking about others, about my friends, famiLy, my speciaL someone, but i never consider my feeLings..kaya kahit super sakit na, i tried to LAUGH at everything.. because i stiLL and wiLL aLways Look at the bright side of everything.. and that’s what i Love about myseLf. that’s what i Love about “us” girLs, we can smiLe and pretend as a happy bitch even though we’re not.

*sigh..*

and so we had the most fun idea whiLe we were taLking, we wanted to shout and cry our hearts out, we wanted to go crazy..we wanna have the best fun ever whiLe ceLebrating our heart’s pain.. so we decided to go to tagaytay at 8pm. haha, we were reaLLy excited about going to tagaytay, we were getting ready aLready, sah stiLL has work so she just caLLed her office to ask permission unfortunateLy, she was 15-min Late, because the mangement’s ruLe is to caLL 2hrs before caLL time and her caLL time is 10pm and it was aLready 8:15..

sayang pero ok Lang, we stiLL have next time.. aLthough we were thinking kung gano ka saya kung matutuLoy ang spontaneous trip to tagaytay na yun. we were thinking that it’s gonna be a Lot of fun.. and i even thought about the song where do broken hearts go?? my answer is TO TAGAYTAY. haha. LoLx

BROKEN HEARTS WENT TO TAGAYTAY or BROKENHEARTED GIRLS JOURNEY TO TAGAYTAY.

that might have been a great titLe for my post. but it didn’t happen. oh weLL..

So what we just did is continue taLking and drinking.. peopLe have no idea on how much pain we have that day. girLs are just great pretenders.

we stopped taLking about our pain, and started taLking about women. how difficuLt it is for us to understand men and how difficuLt it is for men to understand women.  i guess men and women won’t reaLLy get aLong that weLL that’s why there’s so many same sex reLationship. wehe.. LoLx

nyweiz.

 some girLs are great pretenders just Like what i said, they make their Lives miserabLe and stiLL Look Like they’re doing just fine. but they’re not. GIRLS BECOME BITCHES NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE BITCHES BUT BECAUSE, DEEP INSIDE THEY’RE HURTING. AND GUYS HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT IT. even 0.0000001% of idea. SOME BECOME WILD and DO SOME SHAMEFUL ACTS WHILE SUFFERING INSIDE, those are weak girLs.. too weak to handLe pain. i’m just gLad that i’m not one of those girLs but I DO UNDERSTAND GIRLS LIKE THEM and GUYS DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE THOSE GIRLS AND TO SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT THEM BECAUSE GUYS HAVE NO IDEA.

and just Like what i aLways say, caLL me hypocrite or anything but i reaLLy don’t need a man in my Life, just Like my friend. both of us don’t go gaga over guys but we just faLL inLove and it’s not our fauLt to faLL inLove, it just happens and we’re ok, we’re perfectLy fine untiL those guys started hurting us. and it just ruins everything. IN THE FIRST PLACE, WE NEVER ASKED GUYS TO LOVE US. WE NEVER ASKED YOU TO ASK US IF WE COULD BE YOUR GF.

for me, MEN  are just bonuses in our Lives. i remember what sarah jessica parker said in one of the episodes of sex and the city.

“maybe..just maybe..our friends are our souLmates and there are just great nice guys that we wiLL meet and have fun with”

it’s not that i’m a man hater or bitter or someone who is afraid to Love. I simpLy don’t care. I’m different, I’m a type of girL or person who just doesn’t care about guys, but i do faLL in Love, and when i Love. it is REALLY LOVE and i become the most seLfLess person you couLd ever know when i’m inLove. but that’s onLy when i’m inLove, but if i’m not.. i simpLy don’t care.. hehe, i aLso don’t Look for “cute” or “pretty” guys. i  faLL for someone who couLd make me Laugh and couLd make me cry at the same time.

so to aLL the Ladies out there who are stiLL hurting, why not try to think about yourseLf first? stop being a martyr, haha. yeah it’s easy to say than to do it. it’LL take time but just think about it. over and over again. trust me, you’LL feeL better. hehe. i may Look so immature and i act chiLidish, yeah super.. but when it comes to serious taLk, i think i can be mature. weLL, i guess i become one. haha. daig ko pa ata si rizaL sa pagiging martyr, kung baga, iLang beses na kong nabariL sa Luneta. pero tumatayo pa rin ako. hehe.LoLx

so i onLy have few words for US, GIRLS..

WE’RE GIRLS AND WE ROCK. ^_^

SORRY GUYS. haha. it’s just my opinion. i guess there’s nothing wrong to say what i feeL here. IT’s MY BLOG ANYWEIZ. heheheh 

so after drinking, my friend and i got hungry and Looked for a pLace to eat, our feet brought us to HAP CHAN in makati ave, and fiLLed our empty stomach and our empty hearts with a Lot of food.

got home at 1am. hehe

i think, my post is so emotionaL, haha. weLL, what can you expect?? i am a girL, hehe. girLs are just emotionaL..especiaLLy when they are hurting.. =P