mind your own business! damn it!

i am not a good person, definitely not perfect or even close to it but i’d rather keep quiet than say things / bad things about other people. I am not plastic but if ever i see something bad about someone’s attitude i keep it to myself and if i know that i’ll never be comfortable with that person then i will never try to get close to her/him, as in NEVER.

And i have never said mean things about other people EXCEPT if they have given me a reason to do so or if i am in that situation where i have to tell that person how rude she is or stupid she is.

I was never a type of person who gets involved with other people’s business no matter how high my concern is for that person and no matter how affected i am, but i make sure that i’m always there for that person and always ready to be a shoulder to cry on. Even someone is being humiliated in front of me or even if someone is being bad or mean to other people, i don’t get involved NOT BECAUSE I DONT CARE, but because I KNOW THAT I HAVE NO RIGHT TO GET INVOLVED but if they asked me or want me to get involved, then i’ll do it and i’ll do my best.

And what pisses me off?? is that no matter how much i want to get away from people and don’t want to get myself involved with them, why are they forcing themselves to get involved with my life???, they keep on coming and keep on getting in my nerves. why do people like them exists? she was saying that she was acting like that because she cares and because she is his bestfriend, WTF!?!?! she’s been like that since i was a child!!! that’s why we were always at war. Can’t she look at herself? DOESN’T SHE KNOW HOW PAKIALAMERA SHE IS!?!?! she was getting into my nerves when i had my first boyfriend, and when we broke she said some not so nice things about me, saying that i’m stupid for loving that kind of person, and i’m so weak and i’m just so stupid because i use my heart all the time, she said maybe she can help. DUH, is she out of her mind?!? she makes the whole situation worse, ALL THE TIME. she said, she cares about what i feel, DUH, if you really care you won’t do anything that will add a damage or an insult to my broken heart, you’re just stupid and you don’t know what real pain is, IF YOU ARE REALLY CONCERN YOU WOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT and because you have never loved!, never, i know i don’t know anything about you but you also don’t know anything, what pisses me off is WHY?!?!?! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO INVOLVED YOURSELF!!?!?! 

kala mo alam mo ang lahat. feeling mo magaling kang psychologist or whatever!?! but YOU ARE NOT, hindi ka ganun, at nagkakamali ka sa lahat ng sinasabi mo, nagagalit ako sau dahil binubuhos ko sau lahat ng galit ko sa ibang tao na hindi ko mailabas kya ko nagagalit sau?!? pwes mali ka dun, kahit ilang beses mong ipagdikdikan ang paniniwala mo, maling mali ka.. dahil nagagalit ako sa mga sinasabi mo, sa mga comment mo na baluktot , walang point at walang pinagkukuhanan, nagagalit ako dahil bakit kelangan mong laging maki alam, then you want me to be open?>!?!?! FUCK, pano magiging open sau sa ugali mo?? hndi mo ba nakikita ang ugali mo, feeling mo ang galing galing mo at ang bait bait mo, pero mali ka dun, maling mali.

minsan sa buhay, HINDI KELANGANG LAGI KANG NAKIKIALAM OR LAGI KANG MAY OPINION, MINSAN MAS MAGANDANG MANAHIMIK NA LANG, kung nasasaktan ako umiiyak ako at kung tingin mo tanga ko sa pagibig, hayaan mo ko!! kelangan ba mag comment ka na tanga ka, maarte ka iyakin ka sensitive ka! DO YOU THINK IT HELPS?? yun ba yung pagtulong na sinasabi mo?? hindi mo naiintindihan at kahit kelan hindi mo maiintindihan at di ka makakaintindi at hindi ka makakatulong sakin kahit kelan, how many times did you make a situation worse, huh!?!?! at kelan ka nagcomment ka ng maganda huh?!?! when my first bf and i broke up, kung anu anu pinagsasabi mu sakin at pati sa ex ko na yun, at yung 2nd bf ko nung nag break din kami, kung anu anu pinagsasabi mo sakin at tungkol sa kanya, did you ever think you have helped me?? may nagawa ba lahat ng mga sinabi mo? WALA, galit lang ang naramdaman ko sau nun at naramdaman ng ex ko nun sau, and now that we’re back together, ganyan ka pa rin.. YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE…at ikaw? never kitang pinaki alamanan sa buhay mo, never ako nanghimasok sau at nagsabi sau kung gano ka tanga at ka mukang tanga sa buhay mo at sa piang gagawa mo, may mga narinig ka ba sakin ni isa?? wala?? pero bakit ka ganyan????????? fuck ilang beses ng paulit ulit ang topic na to, hanggang kelan ka magiging topic sa mga blog ko na paulit ulit ang sinasabi ko at ang gngwa mong pakiki alam?? hanggang kelan kb makiki alam?? kelan mo ba ko lulubayan??? if you’re dead? if you’re gone? if you have your own family??

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DONT NEED YOU OR ANY OF YOUR COMMENTS, IT DOESNT HELP AT ALL..

i know i am not a good sister, but you are not, too. and no matter how you look at the situation and the sins that we have done to each other. you are worse!!! worse than me.. you know why i said that? kasi hindi ako ang unang nakapansin, kasi hindi ako ang nakakakita, ibang tao mismo ang nagsasabi sakin ng mga gngwa mo sakin na hindi ko nakita or hindi ko hinusgahan na masama, sila mismo ang nagsabi sakin ng mga ginagawa mo at nagawa mo..you’re worse………. sinasabi mo pagdating ko lang sa boyfriend ko ako nagiging sensitive at iyakin, talaga? hindi mo alam kung gano ko ka iyakin? nalimutan mu na ba kung ilang beses akong umiyak sa twing pinapahiya mo ko at inaaway mo ko? nalimutan mo na ba kung ilang balde ang iniyak ko sa twing nag aaway kami ng kaibigan ko?? hindi mo na naiisip yun kasi matatagal na yun, at ang iniisip mo lang kung ano ang nakikita mo ngayon, hindi mo ba alam kung ilang beses ako naiiyak sa twing binabastos ako ng magaling nating bunso?? hindi mo ba alam na naisip ko at naramdaman ko sau at kay bunso na kahit gano ka kabait sa isang tao, hinding hindi mo sila pwdeng mai-oblige na maging mabait sau?dahil ako never akong naka alala na may ginawa ako sayo or ni comment sa mga pinag gagawa mong kagaguhan, pero sayo lagi akong may naririnig na hindi maganda?? alam mo ba na ilang beses akong nakarinig ng pintas ng ibang tao tungkol sau pero kahit kelan hindi kita pinintasan at ikaw ang laging UNANG namimintas at sa twing may nagsasabi sau ng paghanga at pintas tungkol sakin lagi mo yung pinamumuka sakin at lagi mong inaangat ang sarili mo?? hindi mo ba alam na binibilhan or binibigyan ko ng make up or mga damit  si bunso tapos ang igaganti nya lang nung nakita nya kong nag cocomputer bigla nyang sasabihin na “alis dyan, ako na”, hindi mo ba alam kung gano kasakit sakin yun at naiyak ako at nanahimik lang ako, nung sumobra lang sya dun ko lang sya pinagalitan, pero pag ikaw ginaganun baka sinampal mo na sya or inaway away..

hindi ko binubuhat ang bangko ko, hindi ko rin sinasabi dito na mabait ako at masama kayo, sinasabi ko lang na you don’t know how sensitive i am, hindi lang sa lovelife, hindi ako nabubuhay para sa lovelife, pero ang lovelife ko lang kasi ang inaasahan ko na magpapasaya sakin sa twing dinadown ako ng “life or family life” ko. i want my lovelife to be my armor and my shield that ’s why i don’t want to lose it kaya ganito ako, dahil ang mga friends ko ay malalayo at busy din sa kani-kanilang lovelife at career and not like all of your friends na party people at madalas mo nakakasama. my world does not evolve in my lovelife, it’s just that, it’s the only thing left when everything in my world is crushed and it’s just that i can’t open myself to other people except for my 2most trusted friends everytime my lovelife has beaten me up.

what a girl wants. reality mishaps

I arrived late at the office because I was expecting a day with few tasks and I was right. Only few tasks came in and after net surfing and reading blogs from different people I decided to write my own, hahaha. I guess, one blogger inspired me to write about something about US… GIRLS.

After having a long journey of 22 years in life, and falling in love with some guys and getting hurt. I have come to realized that almost all girls have same needs, emotionally. And now, I have learned what I want and what I need but there are just things in life that WE CAN  NEVER HAVE. I will list down the things that I want  that I think most of us(men/women) also need.

 I want to be or be the..

1.) PRIORITY - all or at least almost all girls want to be their lover’s top priority unfortunately it’s not gonna happen, it will never happen, UNLESS your guy is one of a kind. We cannot demand. We cannot ask.   

2.) QUEEN/PRINCESS - we all want to be someone’s princess/queen of course by our prince charming. We want to be pampered. We want to feel loved, secured and being taken cared of. We want our man to treat us the way we want to be treated. We want them to ALWAYS assure us how they love us, if they can shout out to the world how much they love us then they should do it. To those girls who love material things, they want to their man to give them accessories, jewelries, or anything while those girls who only want their partner’s affection, they want to be showered with love. We want them to bring us to a place called paradise.

(**NOTE**: but not too much of course)

  unfortunately, only a few man can do it. Some are just plain guys who love to chill and relax, while other guys are so shy they can’t even tell the girls what they feel and while some guys show rudeness and coldness to their gf/wife despite of their feelings, no matter how much they love them. They can’t give or show any affection just because they can’t show it or sometimes, they just don’t want to show it. That’s how it is, we cannot demand. We cannot ask.

3.) PRIEST - maybe you’re asking why priest? Oh well, I mean.. a priest in a confession room. Haha. We want our guys to confess to us everything they did, every lies, every sin, every mistakes. We want them to be totally honest with us even if it will hurt us, that’s the sad part. We want them to be honest yet after confessing their sins we’re going to cry and get mad at them but we still want them to be honest despite of how it will affect us, right?!.

  unfortunately, THEY CAN NEVER BE TOO HONEST.

We cannot demand. We cannot ask.

4.) PARTNER IN CRIME - almost all of us want to be our partners’ partner in crime. Some of us love adventures and most of us dream of going in different places and doing new things. We want our guy to be with us while we’re making the best adventures of our lives and we want to be with them when they are happy, when they are sad, when they want some fun, when they want to act crazy and freak and when they just want to sit and relax. We want them to date us or ask us to go to anywhere under the sun.

  unfortunately, not everyone wants the same adventure that you dream of. Some are not into dating, some doesn’t have enough money for a date while some prefer to be with their friends in their adventures than being with their gf/bf. We cannot demand. We cannot ask.

(*NOTE: thanks to my teammate for helping me with this, it’s also one of her dreams. haha)

5.) APPRECIATED - who doesn’t want to? right!?! Each and everyone of us wants to be appreciated. We want to feel that we’re valued by our special someone. We want to hear and feel that they know how much we love them and that they appreciate every little things that we do for them. We want to hear “thank you” once in a while. We also want them to support us and be proud of us whenever we do things that make us proud of ourselves. We want them to see how good we are. unfortunately, not everyone can appreciate you, sometimes they will ignore you, sometimes they will say “you’re so great” in a sarcastic way and they will say thank you, once in a blue moon. Some men, will appreciate you without showing it, if you give them something they’ll say, ok. Sometimes they’ll ask “what’s this?”, then you’ll answer him, “gift from me..??”, then he’ll say.. “uuhhh.. ok”. For him, that’s his way of saying thank you, but still it doesn’t show. While some men don’t appreciate anything and everything you do is still not enough, because in the first place you’re just not enough for him. That’s how life is. We cannot demand. We cannot ask.

6.) GOLD - we want to be treasured for the rest of our lives by our partners. We want our partner to fight for us just like how they fight for their lives and just like how they protect their most treasured sports car or their most valued collection. We want to be protected just like a gold protected by an army. unfortunately, some men are not man enough to fight for us, some men are too good or too soft they can’t even fight for themselves. 

This is the real world. 

We cannot demand.  We cannot ask

There’s no bird singing, no dwarfs that will accompany you,  no witch that will let you sleep for hundreds of years, no glass shoes that you can wear and no prince charming that can fight a dragon and can climb on your long hair.

This is NO FAIRYTALE. This is real life, you can’t always expect that someone is going to be there for you. Only few people experience “happily ever after”. There’s no ideal guy and you can never expect someone to treat you or love you the way you want it. No matter how hard it is, you’ll have to accept that fact. How to overcome those facts that disappoints you depends on you and ONLY YOU.

EXPECT LITTLE and GAIN MORE.

Remember:  You are not a princess in any fairytales or books, you’re just a human being just like me. I know I am not perfect just like any other girls. I expect. I nag. Actually, I have expected a lot of things from people around me that’s why i’ve been disapponted a lot of times and I still am expecting a lot of things that’s why i keep on hurting myself. But, I am doing my best to change myself and I know I am just an average joe trying hard to live as a princess and an ordinary girl who is inlove with an ordinary guy.

taLk about Leadership huh?

About a week ago, i had a chance to talk with one of my bosses and he told me about leadership and about leaders.

he asked me “to be a leader you should know..?”

then i answered.. “how to follow?” hahah i said that because i believe that a good leader is a good follower and before leaders became leaders, they were once, followers.

anyhow,

I laughed at myself after hearing what he said..

“No, that’s not it.. to be a leader you should know or you should have self confidence..”

then i said..

“ahh.. ok. haha”

he also told me that they chose those leaders because they know that there’s something in them or they have the quality of a leader and they are chosen not because they just want to choose them. I was listening carefully in every words he used and everything he said, i had lots of opinion to share, lots of comments about “those leaders” he was talking about but i’m not good at speaking, explaining and debating with what my boss’ believes although he was right, I have forgotten to tell him  that sometimes, people make mistakes

We, sometimes make mistakes.

Just like, how  we choose who to love, where to work and sometimes… how we choose our leaders.

Sometimes the one we love so much, we trusted 100% and the person to whom we have given our all turned out to be the wrong one, and sometimes we choose to work in some place because the environment is good and friendly, and the salary that we get is enough for us but it doesn’t make us happy. Although there are lots of good stuff there are also downside to everything. 

And how many times did we fail to choose good leaders? - People power started when people of our country realized that they were wrong when they chose “those leaders” and it only proved one thing, that we chose leaders because of what we think they can do because of their confidence, fame, power, wealth and wit but it doesn’t mean that they can be “good leaders”.

 Being smart or being witty does not prove that you can be a good leader. Confidence, wealth and power doesn’t also prove that you can be an effective leader.

A “leader” is far different from a “good or effective leader”.

Is it necessary for a leader to ask his employee who is sick to go to work or work from home? while letting the other employee file a leave because he’s going to take care of his sick uncle?. Is he the only one who can take care of his sick uncle?

If there’s an obvious mistake about one of your employee’s work, it is necessary for a leader to ask that employee to correct it, but if you ask another employee to correct it just because the employee who did it might get mad, then that’s not being an effective leader. And is it an excuse if you’re going to tell me that the leader doesn’t want any arguments that’s why he did that?

Is it right if there are lots of work, and there are 4 employees in a team and you only asked the 3 to work while letting the other one do his own thing? then..one of the 3, asked to go out to buy some lunch and you didn’t let that person buy his lunch because he needs to rush his work, and instead you told that person to just let his colleagues buy food for him.

The problem is if the leader also asked the 4th person to do some work then that leader wouldn’t have to rush the 3 employee’s works and then the work would be equally divided and can be done easilly.

If there’s still an hour left before the working hours ended and an employee asked to leave early, would you permit him to leave? and if you did, then that would be fine, but if the same situation happened again but this time it’s a different employee who asked for permission and you did not let him leave, then that’s being unfair.

All the situations above did happen. The leaders in those situations were not the same, some of the employees were not the same except for the guy who would take care of his uncle, who had an obivous mistake, the 4th employee who did nothing and the employee who were granted to leave early.

The situations above showed one thing, that they were having..i don’t know  if it’s favoritism or fear, fear for that one person.

If you’re a master with four dogs and you can’t let all of them behave how they should then you don’t deserve to be their master and if you can’t make one barking dog quiet then you don’t deserve to be called his master,and he would never follow you because that dog chooses who to follow and he doesn’t see you as a person who should be followed and if you fear that dog or make him do everything he wants then that’s not being an effective leader, you’re just letting that dog believes that he does not need to follow any orders.

I may not be good in grammar, I may not be smart or witty, I may not have the qualities of a good leader and i don’t even know if I have pointed out here what I really want to say and if i have said it all clearly and correctly but one thing is for sure.

I am a follower and I know what a good leader is.

:)

This is not a poem :)

I wrote this last february and it’s not a poem, it’s a letter that i wrote for my bf who was also my ex. It was  written like a poem so it would look ok to read it.. harhar. Anyways, i wrote it before our 1st monthsarry but I did not give it to him because, i don’t feel like giving it or telling it to him.. hehe, but I guess he’ll be able to read it now. hehe ^_^

forgotten feeLings

it’s been a while since i last visited this blog. Now i remember how it feels to write again under these stressful situation and heart aching circumstances. It feels like forever, that i have forgotten about a lot of things. I have forgotten how to feel alive and be happy. i have forgotten how to enjoy and love with all of me. i have forgotten to be with my friends and the feeling of being with them. I have forgotten TO DO WHAT I LOVE MOST and to LOVE WHAT I DO. i have forgotten the feeling of having new friends and the joy of meeting strangers that will soon be my friends. i have forgotten that BEING WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE MAKES ME HAPPY AND ALIVE. i have forgotten that i Live because of them and i was able to Live my Life with happiness because they were with me.

I have forgotten a lot of things and didn’t realized that those were the days that i lived my life without forgetting how to smile , I’m having a hard time now remembering those things, feeling those feelings that i have forgotten. I’m having a hard time remembering happiness.

I don’t know when but i started not to care, I started being a hot-headed girl who only thinks of herself. I have forgotten to be selfless and i became selfish but I STILL KNOW WHO I AM, I guess that’s the only good part. I AM STILL ME no matter what happens.

They say people change for one good reason, Either you’ve learned a lot or you’ve been hurt too much, not in my case. I guess BOTH applies to me. I’ve learned and been hurt too much that it changed me and it gave me a lot of negativity that i can’t take anymore. I have forgotten the positivity of living and being alive. The good energy that surrounded me before is now gone, my pain and my experiences took it all away.. AND NOW……

These forgotten feelings make me feel dead,

that is why i’m giving up all of these negativity and I’M GIVING MYSELF A CHANCE. A chance to get back all the feelings and the time that i have forgotten to share.. I’m resting so i can take it back, again.